I wrote this for you. We don’t know each other yet but with this book in your hands, soon you will get to know me quite well. It’s a strange relationship that we’ll enter as we might never meet but I really want to share my story with you. And even if you don’t relate, treat it as fascinating peek into a life that isn’t yours but that will bring you closer to learning something about all of us—this is why we have books and movies and art; we want to understand each other, learn about things we didn’t know.
Speaking of not knowing, my story is all about that; it’s about finding out—finding out who I was as I grew up with no sense of self. On the outside it all looked so good—loving parents, a happy childhood, great education and later, a dream job and financial success. A woman I fell in love with and married. Beautiful children. Houses, travels, things, parties, a whirlwind of activities, so much fun… but underneath it all, emptiness.
Who was I?
There was a whole other part to it all. That’s the part where it got all murky. Those loving parents? Loving but there were other parents, the parents who relinquished me. That sweet kid? Surrounded by friends but feeling so alone, stuck under a giant microscope of self-doubt. That sociable, fun guy? Full of shame. That working, successful guy? Too wrapped up in work to face the reality. That loving husband and a father? Drunk. That guy in the mirror?
I had no idea.
But as I came to one day, after a devastating seizure at the age of 43, I was about to find out.
Still: was it worth finding out? I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t even sure I would believe myself or in myself. To know something is one thing—to believe is quite another. So here was my conundrum: One needs to better know one’s self to accept one’s self, but to set out to do so increases the chances of finding flaws.
Was I ready to face my flaws?
This has been my life’s double bind, as well as the very reason I wrote this book: I became ready to face my flaws. I want to show you how I’ve found myself… how one finds himself—how one finds himself in other people as well. It is my hope that with this book you, too, will learn something, about how we are all connected to each other in our reality. There’s power in reality. And with that power, we can all live better, happier, more fulfilled lives. Through my experience, I can hopefully share with you just how.
So, please, let me tell you a story…